Sunday, December 19, 2010

day 5 of abstinence

Day 5 of abstinence completed! I'm doing well on the diet & I'm training consistently. Yesterday I completed a 2 hour 30 minute bike ride on my rollers followed by a 35 minute run. I'm hoping to get to the point soon where I feel good enough about myself to no longer be embarrassed about my physique & have the self confidence to ride my bike outdoors.There are a few different kind of food cravings that I experience.

1) real physical hunger. The kind that the body is telling me it needs sustenance.

2) emotional hunger. I'm wanting to eat to sedate emotions. I used to think food was how I dealt with my emotions but I realized this week I'm sedating myself so I don't have to deal with the emotions.

3) & then there's the desire to binge! I always thought these were going to be a life long problem I was going to have to deal with. My sponsor told me a few days ago that they are usually caused by eating my trigger foods & that these desires to eat & eat & eat can be minimized by simply avoiding my trigger foods. She said of course there will still be some of these desires when I see or smell certain trigger foods of mine. But the large part of my cravings will go away once I stop eating those trigger foods of mine. I'm so excited for me to get to that point. On December 15th, my 1st day of abstinence I cut out all sugar, processed foods, & grains. I know this is extreme, but the disease I'm fighting is extreme. Eventually as I learn more skills about my eating disorder I may allow myself to eat some whole grains, but for now they are gone! At this early stage of my recovery I'm better off overly safe than sorry. So I'm only going to eat fruit, veggies, meat, and moderate amounts of nuts until I feel more comfortable with controlling my compulsive eating.

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